Older & less dumb
Ok, so I think at this point we are all aware that I had a birthday this week. And most of us know that I am all about introspection and self-improvement year round, but particularly during the birthday week (or month, depending on my mood).
So for 32, first of all I'm thinking, way better than 31. Please! Not that 31 was so bad. But it was definately not my best year. I fell off financially and that's pretty upsetting considering how hard I worked for years to get that part of my house in order. But I'm back on track there and vowing to re-prioritize and stay focused. (Wish me luck.)
Thank goodness for having lived a rich and full (and sometimes dangerous and reckless) life. I am very glad that I have had this year of absolute single-ness. How else can you get really sure about what you want in a partnership, right? Spending time dealing with and throwing out the baggage and really being honest with myself about my faults & the BS I bring into a relationship - my role in the recent failures. It's refreshing to know myself (the good, the bad and the downright annoying) and to know who I can tolerate in my personal space. Not to mention, who will ENHANCE my life instead of drain my energy & spirit. So, since that is all taken care of, like most well educated, independant, childless and confident Black women, I wait. I keep myself busy while I wait, but I wait. I wait with hope that the Black man that fits the bill is out there somewhere preparing himself for me. I wait with the hope that I will not become impatient during all this damn waiting!
So today I was telling somebody about my 1st (and only) date
with the guy from yesterday's post (re: "I'm just not that into you"). Remember when you met somebody and you overlooked the obvious incompatibility because they were nice? or because you didn't know what you wanted out of a date/relationship? or because you thought you could change them? or because your dating cheerleaders begged you to "give him a chance"? To hell with that!
It either is or it ain't. And trusting your instincts is so important. The first phone conversation was great. It seemed like we could talk for hours. (Actually, we did.) Then the date....
-1 point he's way too old for me
-1 point he's got a child in college & one about to be in college
+1 point he knew about Mark Anthony Neal (translation: he reads)
+1 point he suggested we meet a few blocks from my house
-1 point he suggested we meet at a grimy sports bar
+1 point he scheduled the date during a playoff game
-1 point he watched the playoff game during the date
-1 point his obsession with sports ended his marriage
-1 point he goes on regular county-wide searches for the best hamburger
+1 point he came to see my performance
-2 points he is homophobic
I could go on and on, but I think you can see where this is going, points-wise. A younger and more dumb gal would have siezed the fact that this guy is, indeed a great catch. She would have ignored the watching of the game and the marriage ending obsession. She would have taken his statement "I would love to get married again and have more kids" at face value instead of realizing that the statement was preceded by "You are so much older than me & that makes me uncomfortable". She would have heeded the advice of several well-meaning folks and "given him a chance". Thank God that "she" is not me (anymore).
Surely there will be more posts that related to my being older and less dumb. But for now, I will just hope that 32 proves to be my best age so far.
So for 32, first of all I'm thinking, way better than 31. Please! Not that 31 was so bad. But it was definately not my best year. I fell off financially and that's pretty upsetting considering how hard I worked for years to get that part of my house in order. But I'm back on track there and vowing to re-prioritize and stay focused. (Wish me luck.)
Thank goodness for having lived a rich and full (and sometimes dangerous and reckless) life. I am very glad that I have had this year of absolute single-ness. How else can you get really sure about what you want in a partnership, right? Spending time dealing with and throwing out the baggage and really being honest with myself about my faults & the BS I bring into a relationship - my role in the recent failures. It's refreshing to know myself (the good, the bad and the downright annoying) and to know who I can tolerate in my personal space. Not to mention, who will ENHANCE my life instead of drain my energy & spirit. So, since that is all taken care of, like most well educated, independant, childless and confident Black women, I wait. I keep myself busy while I wait, but I wait. I wait with hope that the Black man that fits the bill is out there somewhere preparing himself for me. I wait with the hope that I will not become impatient during all this damn waiting!
So today I was telling somebody about my 1st (and only) date
with the guy from yesterday's post (re: "I'm just not that into you"). Remember when you met somebody and you overlooked the obvious incompatibility because they were nice? or because you didn't know what you wanted out of a date/relationship? or because you thought you could change them? or because your dating cheerleaders begged you to "give him a chance"? To hell with that!
It either is or it ain't. And trusting your instincts is so important. The first phone conversation was great. It seemed like we could talk for hours. (Actually, we did.) Then the date....
-1 point he's way too old for me
-1 point he's got a child in college & one about to be in college
+1 point he knew about Mark Anthony Neal (translation: he reads)
+1 point he suggested we meet a few blocks from my house
-1 point he suggested we meet at a grimy sports bar
+1 point he scheduled the date during a playoff game
-1 point he watched the playoff game during the date
-1 point his obsession with sports ended his marriage
-1 point he goes on regular county-wide searches for the best hamburger
+1 point he came to see my performance
-2 points he is homophobic
I could go on and on, but I think you can see where this is going, points-wise. A younger and more dumb gal would have siezed the fact that this guy is, indeed a great catch. She would have ignored the watching of the game and the marriage ending obsession. She would have taken his statement "I would love to get married again and have more kids" at face value instead of realizing that the statement was preceded by "You are so much older than me & that makes me uncomfortable". She would have heeded the advice of several well-meaning folks and "given him a chance". Thank God that "she" is not me (anymore).
Surely there will be more posts that related to my being older and less dumb. But for now, I will just hope that 32 proves to be my best age so far.
posted by Piscean Princess at 5:57 PM
2 Comments:
I am sure that 32 will be a better year for our LaLa. What a better way to start it out than with some good ol' Grey Goose and Grapefruit right? If more people approached relationships with this less dumb approach, there would actually be a lot fewer married people out there, not nearly as many divorces, and a much higher number of "happily married couples". Stick to those guns Miss Pat...Never Settle!
Posted by Shawn on Saturday, February 25, 2006 at 2:33 PM
Wow! That takes a lot of self reflection & examination to get to where you are. Few people our age actually take the time to do it & end up searching for that perfect mate...the one that meets all of the points on their checklist. They never meet them because it turns out their list is NOT really what is perfect for them. Unfortunately, they don't take the time to really get to know themselves & their needs until they are in way too far...or they are 55 and still single, searching for that perfect mate.
I leave you with one of my favorite Carrie Bradshaw quotes (Sex and the City) which I think is quite fitting... "Later that day I got to thinking about relationships. There are those that open you up to something new and exotic, those that are old and familiar, those that bring up lots of questions, those that bring you somewhere unexpected, those that bring you far from where you started, and those that bring you back. But the most exciting, challenging and significant relationship of all is the one you have with yourself. And if you can find someone to love the you you love, well, that's just fabulous!"
Posted by starfish17 on Monday, February 27, 2006 at 9:50 AM
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