Friday, June 23, 2006

Imagine That

Those of you who know me personally probably know that I have a very active imagination. Whether I'm inventing personalities for people, describing the songs & sound effects that serve as the backdrop for my everyday life, or just generally exaggerating, my mind is constantly working toward it's own amusement. But my hands down favorite of all the make-believe activities is the imaginary boyfriend.

For the first time since 1998, I am single. I have been single since February of last year. I've been on approximately 4 dates in that 16 months. Despite several honest attempts & attitude adjustments, my romantic life is pretty pitiful.

I've never been one to wallow in my own sadness/loneliness/boring-ness. Instead I find other things to do. I cook, I read, I watch movies, I sample the Cabernet Sauvignon of numerous wineries (sometimes in lieu of dinner). And when I need to feel that giggly feeling that can only come from being noticed by a cutie pie, I invent one.

Please don't be alarmed. I am not spending my days talking to & making out with people who don't exist. No, no, no...these are real people who I have at least had some minor chit-chat with, during which they all instantly fall hopelessly in love with me. (Don't ask me how I know this...I just know.)

Trust me, it happens all the time. But I'd be an imaginary hoe if I let all of them be my boyfriend at the same time. So here are some of the categories that I use to keep them all organized.

While I'm in the process of creating a personality for my flavor of the week, he is usually in the "he wants to be my boyfriend (smile)" category. This usually involves some lite flirting by both parties and not much else. After said flirting, I usually remind my friends that "he wants to be my boyfriend", I giggle, they groan and that is that.

Once the personality has been created (or revealed), if I don't want to continue the lite flirting, he ends up in the "he wants to be my boyfriend (Yuck!), talk to me/hide me/let's go the other way so he won't come over here" category. This person's phone calls or text messages or emails don't get returned in a timely fashion. Instead of the usual big-normous smile that I typically greet people with, he gets the closed mouth let's-keep-this-at-hello grin. This unfortunate group of fellas may have organized a support group for their Post-Princess Traumatic Stress Disorder.

There are some cases, however, when no personality (real or manufactured) is necessary. Examples include any cashier or waiter who wants to give me a hook up of any kind and the guys at the gas station who put the air in my tire the other day. In these cases, temporary boyfriend passes are issued whenever I need something.

Then there are the times where the boundaries of my imaginary relationship are tested. Like last night when Big Bad Brother Coolstein & I had an actual conversation that ended with a phone number exchange and the possibility of taking a 7 and a half hour road trip to the most romantic place in the world next weekend. So now I've spent the whole day imagining all the possible ways that he & I can make chocolate and vanilla babies. But now it's not all that imaginary anymore. I mean, that flirting wasn't the "lite" kind, both parties were giggling, the innuendos were far more suggestive...THIS IS REAL! (Not real like he's gonna be my real live boyfriend real, but way real-er than it was 24 hours ago.) That fine line between fantasy & reality has been breached (sort of). This is the part where I have to start being responsible for my (real) actions and for other (real) people's feelings.

Well, I guess I'll have to deal with it if it comes to that. But in the meantime, I'm on cloud 9 knowing that B.B.B. Coolstein (and several other people) thinks I'm cute and sexy and interesting and funny and smart and all that good stuff. (Again, no one has actually said these things, but I know that's how they feel. I just know it.) Don't laugh. This whole single thing is tough. I have been in several(real) consecutive, with no down-time in between relationships since I was 14 (except for "The Year I Fell In Love With Me", otherwise known as 1998). This imagination thing is the best I know how to pass the time. It's fun and effective.


Blogger RachelsTavern said...

Ok, this is part advice, part sociology, part personal experience.

First, there's nothing wrong with a good imagination, but I do think women have to be careful not to create a prince chraming in our heads because real people aren't that perfect. I know you're just playing, but I think it is really hard to keep from creating imaginary perfect guys. LOL!!

Second, I went for 3 years without dating at all, not one date. I found myself in a real rut, and I was in grad school, knowing that I would be moving within a couple years. I threw myself into school and my friends, and had a good time, but I finally was ready to date just before I moved. I think it was the change of pace that got me out of my single rut.

12:05 AM  
Blogger Changeseeker said...

There's a difference between fantasy (me and, say, Johnny Depp) and fantasy (me and, say, the guy who takes the tickets at the parking ramp) and reality (me and somebody I'm actually having a conversation with on the phone where there's giggling going on). I think what R. is saying is related to not getting into the plane until you know where it's headed. And I think what you're saying is that you're afraid to believe it, but you want to SO badly because it feels so good.

But as far as I'm concerned, I say, "How nice." We spend so much time analyzing and second-guessing when we could just be twirling. Maybe, the Sufis got it right.

What's the worst thing that can happen? You'll feel sad one day? That's gonna happen regardless. In the meantime, you ain't no kid. You're not gonna sell the family farm. This guy sounds like a good person. Dance away!

9:49 AM  
Blogger Jessi Guilford said...

I figure anybody who can talk about issuing temporary boyfriend passes is pretty solidly on the side of having fun, not psychosis, so: have fun as long as it keeps being fun. Guys will find you anyway.

I had an imaginary boyfriend once myself, for a while in my early 20s. (I wasn't, geographically, in a place where finding a real one was going to be possible.) He was nice and everything, but not better than the real people I ran into after that (even though the relationships with real people didn't go all that well for a while).

4:03 PM  
Blogger Piscean Princess said...

Perhaps I should clarify this whole imaginary thing. I don't think I've ever had an I.B. who I thought was the guy for me or perfect or any of that. Usually they are just guys who find me attractive - I've gotten to be pretty good (with help) at knowing when someone is noticing me. So these folks have been random guys at work (inluding the CEO for a few weeks), folks at the theater, you know just random dudes. I know they are not potential romantic interests - but them thinking I'm cute reminds me that my real guy is gonna think I'm cute too.

As for B.B.B. Coolstein, that situation is mostly the same as above, except that I'm really really close to his family. I have no idea if he is my perfect guy either because Thursday was the first time we've ever had a real conversation. He's always w/ his girlfriend (I guess I failed to mention that little detail before) or he's being "daddy" to his daughters. So for the first time, he wasn't flirting via his sister - he was actually able to talk to me face to face.

The scary thing about this is that

a) he has a girlfriend and I am not interested in appearing to be a sneaky boyfriend stealer

b) I don't know if I like the real him in a real romantic/sexual way because I don't know him

c) in the event that his g-friend disappears (*poof*), and I discover that I do have real romantic feelings for him, I would be nervous about the dynamic change that my friendship with his sisters and his mother and his daughters and his ex-wife would take.

That's all. I just mostly want to be respectable and do right by his relationship and mine. Hence the imaginary chocolate/vanilla hookup.

5:08 PM  
Blogger iaintlying said...

Proceed with great caution. Some things are better left in the imagine state. I wouldn't want the supportive relationship that you have built with Coolstein's to be put in harms way. You are a very bright person so I know you'll see your way clear and you'll do what's best for all parties invovled.

10:53 AM  
Blogger Changeseeker said...

Oh, Lord. You failed to mention the girlfriend, all right. :o) Mission abort. Mission abort.

(Even if Girlfriend does go *poof*, how would Family Coolstein--or for that matter, you-- feel about always knowing you picked him before he was

3:15 PM  
Blogger ant said...

Have as much fun as you want just as long as nobody gets hurt.

There's nothing wrong with an imagination. I'm sure we've all done what you have before or even thought about it.

I find it quite creative, actually.


11:29 AM  
Blogger Piscean Princess said...

I think the Coolsteins would be ok w/ the whole thing, as long as both he & I acted respectably and responsibly (which I'm sure we both will, no matter what).

As of this past weekend, there will not be a road trip - he couldn't get off work. But we did manage to have our second conversation ever. So at the end of the day, I'm just glad to have finally made a connection with him.

5:03 PM  
Blogger Damali said...

you are just adorable! i love this entry! i don't even know any other word to describe you. especially since i don't know you.

But since we're confessing, you have been my Imaginary Best Girlfriend for quite some time now :)

1:29 PM  
Blogger Otis said...

First time here and I enjoyed reading this...especially your thoughts on point C).

11:17 AM  
Blogger Piscean Princess said...

- otis: thank you for stopping by! you're welcome anytime.

- antoine: yes, I'm sure that most people have done it. other folks probably don't have a name for it or specific categories and they probably don't share the joys of this exercise with an unknown number of people in the blogisphere, but it is fun & it keeps me occupied when there's nothing good on TVLand.

- damali: yippee! big giant hugs to you! I am so glad we found each other. And one of these days I will get up there & we'll have to connect & go to "no boo"!

10:53 PM  
Blogger ToastedSuzy said...

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9:54 AM  

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